Chuck Norris Generator
With the increasing popularity of my George W. Bush generator, it’s time to expand.
All you need to do is post the following code on your site:
<script type="text/javascript" language="javascript" src="http://marsupialmusic.net/stu/scripts/fortunes.php?file=chucknorris"></script>
You can also add the quote generator to your Google home page.
Chuck Norris Facts were provided by Paul Kessler’s Chuck Norris fortune module. The generator runs using Pascal Hakim’s excellent fortune program.
March 29th, 2007 at 5:45 pm
When Chuck Norris eats chili he farts fire. It’s called a Texas backdraft.
March 31st, 2007 at 1:09 pm
Chuck Norris Dosnt T-Bag He potato Sacks.
March 31st, 2007 at 4:41 pm
Chuck Norris once roadhouse kicked a guy so hard it killed his whole family, and their dog Fido.
April 2nd, 2007 at 9:00 pm
chuck norris’s tears are said to cure cancer. to bad he never cries
April 3rd, 2007 at 3:40 am
Chuck Norris doesn’t get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
April 3rd, 2007 at 4:12 am
they say they are marketing chuck norrises urine nowadays… its called REDBULL
April 3rd, 2007 at 6:08 am
chuck norris sleeps with a night light. not because hes afraid of the dark but because the dark is afraid of chuck norris
April 3rd, 2007 at 6:10 am
god created chuck norris to creat the world. chris ball created god to create the world!
April 3rd, 2007 at 6:11 am
god created chuck norris to creat the world. chris ball created god to create chuck norris to create the world!
April 3rd, 2007 at 3:11 pm
Chuck Norris doesn’t need to shave. His beard is scared to grow.
April 4th, 2007 at 11:02 am
Jesus may walk on water, but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.
April 4th, 2007 at 11:04 am
God said “Let there be light!” Chuck Norris said “Say please!”
April 4th, 2007 at 1:20 pm
Chuck Norris sleeps with guys, but he still isn’t gay
April 5th, 2007 at 1:17 am
If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it’s fucking beef.
Chuck Norris is not egotistical…Chuck Norris is just better than you.
Chuck Norris does not do drugs to get high, Drugs do Chuck Norris to get high.
Chuck Norris does not strive to be a god…Chuck Norris IS god.
Chuck Norris has only 2 rules… 1- Chuck Norris can kick your ass, 2- if you think you can kick Chuck Norris’ ass, see rule 1.
April 5th, 2007 at 3:09 am
-Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
-Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn’t stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
-When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
April 5th, 2007 at 3:10 am
I Am Chuck Norris
April 5th, 2007 at 1:34 pm
if Chuck Norris is running late, time better slow the fuck down…
April 6th, 2007 at 3:38 am
Mike Moalli If you ever impersonate me again i will take your mom oput to a wonderful seafood dinner and never call her back. And by the way i counted to infinity three times.
April 6th, 2007 at 3:39 am
Mike Moalli If you ever impersonate me again i will take your mom oput to a wonderful seafood dinner and never call her back. And by the way i counted to infinite three times.
April 6th, 2007 at 3:42 am
Chuck, you better call that youg boy’s mom back or i will roundhouse kick your ass to the moon.
April 6th, 2007 at 6:28 am
Once Chuck Norris went to the Virgin Islands, now they are just called the Islands…
April 6th, 2007 at 6:48 am
I had a friend who fought Chuck Norris once…
I sure do miss him.
April 6th, 2007 at 9:13 am
chuck norris drank 4 gallons of gasoline just so he could use his penis as a flame thrower!
April 6th, 2007 at 11:15 pm
Back at the dawn of history…Chuck Norris searched for a sign to send his people… an everlasting sign that his power could never be questioned…
This is the day he created Richard Simmons and said unto his people:
“Thou shalt look upon Richardicus and know of the power of Chuck Norris eternally, for I endow him with the gift of hot pink shorts…and the glare from them a beaming reminder that the Chuck Norris is all powerful and omnipotent forever”
-Chuckus 3:16
This is the word of Norris, our Lord. Hollowed by thy name. Let us recite the Norris’ Prayer:
Chuck Norris, who art in Texas, Hallowed be thy name!
Thy Roundhouse come, thy will be done, in real life and as on Television.
Give us this day, our Daily Ass Kicking, and forgive us of our weakness, as we forgive those who for some reason do not worship you. And lead us not to other TV Shows, but deliver us to Walker Texas Ranger, for thine is the best, Ass-Kickinest, Roundhouse giving show in all the heavens. Achuck.
April 7th, 2007 at 2:41 am
Chuck Norris doesn’t answer to God, God answers to Chuck Norris.
April 7th, 2007 at 8:34 am
DON’T LET ALL THIS KICK ASS STUFF GO TO YOUR HEAD. I REMEMBER WHEN HE WAS A LONELY AIRMAN IN OSAN, KOREA AND THOUGHT KARATE WAS SOME ASIAN JOSAN. AT TIMES IT GOT SO BAD THAT HE WAS REDUCED TO EATING GOLD FISH………I WAS A REAL BELIEVER UNTIL HE STARTED JUMPING FROM HELICOPTERS AND DOING ALL THIS HOLLYWOOD SHIT……..RCC, OSAN AFB, A DAMN LONG TIME AGO.
April 7th, 2007 at 10:37 am
Chuck Norris took his own virginity and he will damn well take yours too
April 7th, 2007 at 2:19 pm
Chuck Norris CAN believe it’s not butter.
April 8th, 2007 at 2:06 pm
When Chuck Norris does push-ups, he doesn’t push up he pushes the world down.
April 9th, 2007 at 12:55 am
Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas
April 9th, 2007 at 6:23 am
Who wins in a race Chuck Norris or God? Trick question Chuck Norris is God.
April 9th, 2007 at 6:24 am
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
April 9th, 2007 at 7:16 am
Chuck Norris DOESN’T love Raymond
April 9th, 2007 at 7:17 am
… i shot Chuck Norris… then i got the sensation that i was being watched and the next thing i know i am in a pile of ash…. i hate when chuck cheet’s on Halo…
April 9th, 2007 at 5:03 pm
chuck norris doesnt pay tax’s with money he just sents a picture of him getting ready to attack
April 9th, 2007 at 10:44 pm
Chuck Norris doesn’t hit on women, he says “Now.”
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
The Dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. ONCE.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
If at first you don’t succeed, you’re obviously not Chuck Norris.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that’s why there are no signs of life there.
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Wilson met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK’s head exploded out of sheer amazement.
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.
A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris’ shoe. Wilson replied, “Don’t you know who I am? I’m Chuck Norris!” The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
To prove it isn’t that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and acquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
Chuck Norris is like a dog, not only because he can smell fear, but because he can piss on whatever the fuck he wants.
Before he forgot a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.
Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren’t the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
According to Einstein’s theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.
Every time Chuck Norris smiles it saves the life of a dying man. Ironically, Chuck Norris only smiles after he kills someone.
Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can’t get up the courage to tell him.
April 10th, 2007 at 4:19 am
Chuck Norris Does not clean pools he cleans oceans, BIH.
April 10th, 2007 at 4:21 am
When everytime you masturbate, god kills a kitten, everytime God masturbates, Chuck Norris kills a lion.
April 10th, 2007 at 7:09 am
YOU KNOW HOW YOU SOMETIMES SEE WEIRD THINGS IN NATURE SUCH AS DEAD WHALES LIGHTNING HITTING PEOPLE OR HURRICANES… MOREL OF THE STORY DON’T PISS CHUCK NORRIS OFF
April 10th, 2007 at 7:13 am
chuck once got pissed at the earth and karate chopped it we now know this as the grand canyon
April 10th, 2007 at 7:15 am
chuck Norris DOES wall hack on cs source and DOSEN’T get baned
April 10th, 2007 at 7:20 am
there are no such things as weapons of mass destruction-only chuck Norris and a swift round house kick
April 10th, 2007 at 7:24 am
there are only two things that can survive nuclear fallout- cockroaches and chuck norris
April 10th, 2007 at 8:53 am
Once Chuck Norris submitted an item to the Chuck Norris Fact List. It was funnier than all the other items put together, but they had to remove it from the list because anyone who read it died laughing.
April 10th, 2007 at 9:50 am
the national terror alert level changes up or down depending on chuck norris’s mood
April 10th, 2007 at 9:58 am
yo one time i read this message form and got really pissed and ate a gallon of ice cream then got fat and died
April 10th, 2007 at 10:44 am
cars have to look both ways when chuck norris crosses the street
April 10th, 2007 at 10:45 am
if superman and the flash had a race aroung the edge of the universe, chuck norris would win
April 10th, 2007 at 10:49 am
chuck norris can win a game of monopoly without owning any property
April 10th, 2007 at 10:50 am
there is no theory of evolution, just a list of animals chuck norris has allowed to live.
April 10th, 2007 at 10:53 am
there isnt a theory of evolutipn, just a list of animals chuck norris has allowed to live
April 10th, 2007 at 10:54 am
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself
April 10th, 2007 at 10:54 am
Chuck Norris invented cancer because he was tired of killing people
April 10th, 2007 at 10:54 am
In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever gotten.
April 10th, 2007 at 10:56 am
there is no chin behind chuck norris’s beard only another fist
April 10th, 2007 at 10:57 am
In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever gotten.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding
Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill
Chuck Norris can divide by zero
Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night
When Chuck Norris runs with scissors, other people get hurt
April 10th, 2007 at 11:01 am
God wanted 10 days to create the world. Chuck Norris gave him 6
Every year on his birthday, Chuck norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun
Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own…
Chuck Norris is made of 94% perspiration, 4% electricity and 2% butterscotch ripple
Once, Chuck Noris built a time machine, went back before the universe existed. God appeared startling Chuck, with a sudden bang he round housed kicked god. And within that bang of a kick the universe was made
Chuck Norris invented airplanes because he was tired of being the only person that could fly
Chuck Norris can take a number 2 standing up
April 10th, 2007 at 1:26 pm
Chuck Norris never lost at dodge ball.The ball knew better.
April 10th, 2007 at 1:45 pm
whats the square root of pie? chuck norris
April 10th, 2007 at 1:46 pm
they finally found jimmy Hoffa… he was lodged in chuck norris’ stool
April 10th, 2007 at 1:50 pm
chuck norris hates horses so he punches them in the head we know these animals as donkeys. at least the ones that live
April 10th, 2007 at 1:52 pm
when chuck norris plays battle ship he uses REAL battleships
April 10th, 2007 at 1:56 pm
a fact that few people know is that chuck norris is a inventor too. he once ate half a engine block,some raw silicon, a clock radio,and drank the blood of 20 ninjas and shat out a computer
April 10th, 2007 at 2:03 pm
chuck norris doesn’t wake up on the wrong side of the bed. because it is hard to wake up on one side or the other on a pile of corpses floating in a pool of blood.
April 10th, 2007 at 2:05 pm
chuck Norris doesn’t need guns, he eats molten steel and shits out bullets at over the speed of sound.
April 10th, 2007 at 2:06 pm
there are two types of people in this world… people who are alive. and people who have pissed off chuck Norris.
April 10th, 2007 at 2:09 pm
whenever chuck Norris has t sign a document he punches someone in the face to get blood on his fist and then punches the paper to leave a crimson fist mark we know as his signature.
April 10th, 2007 at 2:10 pm
when chuck Norris gets mad he punches the sky we can see he aftermath as black holes or supernovas
April 10th, 2007 at 2:17 pm
when chuck Norris plays monopoly and passes go he roundhouse kicks the bank keeper in the face and collects 200 teeth
April 10th, 2007 at 2:20 pm
the speed of chuck Norris’ cpu can be measured in norrahurts or (nhz) meaning if ts not fast enough he makes t hurt…… allot
April 10th, 2007 at 2:22 pm
at one point the planet was made of just ocean then chuck Norris took a dump giving us land.
April 10th, 2007 at 2:27 pm
chuck Norris got pissed of at windows xp and threatened bill gates. bill then made windows vista. notice how we haven’t seen bill in a while?
April 11th, 2007 at 12:29 am
Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Chuck Norris (So does Jason)
April 11th, 2007 at 12:31 am
Chuck Norris doesnt have nightmares he creates other peoples nightmares(He usually puts himself in them)
April 11th, 2007 at 12:36 am
Chuck Norris doesnt watch movies but when all superheroes and law enforcers are in danger he rondhouse kicks the movie theater guy takes some pop-corn and keeps watchin the people in danger
April 11th, 2007 at 3:19 am
If Chuck Norris can do it, you can’t do it.
April 11th, 2007 at 4:19 am
Chuck Norris doesn’t sleep. He waits.
The Boogie Man checks his closet for Chuck Norris before he goes to bed.
April 11th, 2007 at 9:50 am
Chuck Norris owns the best poker face of all time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite holding only a 2 of spades, a 7 of clubs, a joker, a green number 4 from UNO, and a monopoly get-out-of-jail-free card.
April 11th, 2007 at 9:51 am
Q: where does a 500 pound gorilla sit?
A: wherever the fuck chuck Norris tells it to.
April 11th, 2007 at 11:32 am
Charlie Chaplin once came third in a Charlie Chaplin lookalike contest…
Because Chuck norris came first AND second, who’s gonna argue?
April 12th, 2007 at 7:13 am
Crop circles are Chuck Norris’ way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.
Chuck Norris thought up some of the funniest Chuck Norris facts ever, but he hasn’t submitted them to the site because he doesn’t believe in any form of submission.
Pee Wee Herman got arrested for masturbating in public. The same day, Chuck Norris got an award for masturbating in public.
Chuck Norris is what Willis was talking about
There is no such thing as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.
Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth’s atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publicly claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.
Chuck Norris puts the “laughter” in “manslaughter”.
April 12th, 2007 at 7:15 am
Chuck Norris is allowed to talk about Fight Club.
Chuck Norris once killed 5 people in less than a second. The only thing he said after this incident was, “Dammit. When Chuck Norris doesn’t want Girl Scout cookies, Chuck Norris doesn’t want Girl Scout cookies.”
Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris
can kill him and take it.
April 12th, 2007 at 7:17 am
Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters in his free time. And by “knit”, I mean “kick”, and by “sweaters”, I mean “babies”.
Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry; the man ate a fucking Indian.
April 14th, 2007 at 12:08 am
Michael Jackson is only white because Chuck Norris RoundHouse Kicked the black out of him
April 14th, 2007 at 3:21 am
Chuck Norris CAN “touch this”
In Dungeons and Dragons, a common answer given to players for when something implausible occours is “a wizard did it.” In real life, the answer is “Chuck Norris did it.”
Chuck Norris tears off the little tabs on mattresses.
Kevlar is woven from Chuck Norris’ beard trimmings.
The Soviet Union collapsed when Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked the “U” out of “USSR”, thereby removing “Union” from the country’s name.
Chuck Norris knows all your secrets. Yes, even that one, you sick freak.
April 14th, 2007 at 7:15 am
Chuck Norris is the reason why waldo is hideing.
April 14th, 2007 at 7:17 am
Chuck norris can make a woman orgasism by just pointing at her and saying “bam”…
April 14th, 2007 at 7:18 am
Chuck Norris knows where in the world Carmen SanDiego is hideing.
April 14th, 2007 at 9:02 am
chuck norris does not use spell check, if he mis-spells a word Webster had better fix that shit.
April 14th, 2007 at 11:10 am
When Chuck Norris finds out Samuel L. Jackson has his wallet, he’s going to be pissed.
April 16th, 2007 at 8:53 am
When Chuck Norris shaves his beard… He shows a tattoo of his beard on his chin.
April 16th, 2007 at 11:53 am
Once Chuck Norris had sex in a RV. During the course of intercourse, some of Chuck Norris’s sperm got into the engine. We now know this RV as Optimous Prime.
Chuck Norris’s sperm count is so high you have to chew before you swallow.
April 16th, 2007 at 12:27 pm
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his father.
Chuck Norris can eat a Rubix Cube and shit it out solved.
April 17th, 2007 at 12:56 am
at first chuck norris was going to star in the movie Kill Bill but then they realized that the title would have to be changed to Kill Billions. so they just went with uma thurman.
April 17th, 2007 at 12:58 am
chuck norris knows were carmen santiago is in the world
April 17th, 2007 at 2:57 am
Chuck Norris crossed the road. Nobody has dared question his motive.
April 18th, 2007 at 7:29 am
chuck norris eats a rubiks cube and shits it out solved
April 18th, 2007 at 7:30 am
chuck norris eats a rubiks cube and shits it out solved
chuck norris went to the virgin islands……when he got bak, they were just called the islands
April 18th, 2007 at 9:03 am
Chuck Norris did not disappear in the Bermuda Triangle, The Bermuda Triangle disappeared in Chuck Norris!!
April 18th, 2007 at 9:30 am
Chuck Norris was born 9 months early!!!
April 18th, 2007 at 9:32 am
Chuck Norris’ computer keyboard doent have CntrlAltDelete, it has PunchRoundhousekickKill
April 19th, 2007 at 3:34 am
Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he took yours too, and your prolly thinking “no he didn’t”.. but your wrong… your very wrong…
April 19th, 2007 at 5:50 am
Contrary to what pilots & scientist tell us, sonic booms are actually the result of Chuck Norris passing gas.
April 19th, 2007 at 8:54 am
Scientists have recently found a dinosaur in south Asia. This dinosaur was famous for round house kicking the other dinosaurs in the face. They suggested it be called the Chucknorrisasaurus but then they realized, chuck norris never dies.
April 19th, 2007 at 10:34 am
chuck norris was tired so he created god and told him to create everything… just kidding chuck norris never gets tired
April 19th, 2007 at 10:52 am
Before Chuck Noriss, there was no water. When Chuck Norris did come along, water had to be invented too, so he could have something to walk on.
April 20th, 2007 at 12:53 am
when on a chuck norris movie set, chuck norris found a dead goat and touched it and brought it back to life……5 seconds later he round house kicked it to its death..
Chuck Norris then said “The good chuck giveth and good chuck taketh away”
April 20th, 2007 at 1:52 am
chuck norris is a gigantic pussy… i could kick his ass with no problem
April 20th, 2007 at 8:37 am
chuck noris doesnt listen to music music listen to him
April 20th, 2007 at 11:13 am
Chuck Norris went to the Virgin Islands and when he left they were just the Islands
April 20th, 2007 at 2:54 pm
chuck norris didnt lose his virginity it ran away
April 20th, 2007 at 5:17 pm
Recent studies conclude that global warming is caused by Chuck Norris. He single handedly produces more CO2 emissions with one roundhouse kick than the USA produces in a year.
April 20th, 2007 at 6:02 pm
I ate Chuck Norris and there is nothing you can do about it.
April 21st, 2007 at 12:11 am
chuck norris sucks so much balls
April 21st, 2007 at 12:12 am
chuck norris suck so much weener
April 21st, 2007 at 12:37 am
why is febuary the shortest month of the year, because its black history month
April 21st, 2007 at 5:39 am
I know the last digit of pi
April 21st, 2007 at 5:42 am
ask me a question and i will give you the answer Chuck Noris
No matter what the question is i am write.
And if you ask a questyion like “Who is stupid” i will roundhousekick you in the face
April 21st, 2007 at 5:43 am
chuck norris tried to roundhouse kick me ………his funeral is tomorrow
April 21st, 2007 at 8:22 am
Chuck Norris hates Westboro Baptist Church, he is going to roundhouse kick them into Hades!!
April 21st, 2007 at 8:26 am
Chuck Norris doesn’t round-house kicked the Virginia Tech killer, that’s why he died.
April 21st, 2007 at 9:08 am
The air bag was invented because too many people where dying in car crashes when Chuck Norris jay walked.
April 21st, 2007 at 10:50 am
Once Chuck Norris killed 3 people at the same time with a single strand of beard hair.
April 22nd, 2007 at 1:38 am
Chuck Norris grows in the shape of a tire!
April 22nd, 2007 at 2:10 am
The Defense Department once implemented a new missle defense system using a giant slingshot and Chuck Norris. Little did they know, Chuck Norris can fly you bitches!!!
April 22nd, 2007 at 2:12 am
God didn’t rest on the seventh day, Chuck Norris round-housed him.
April 22nd, 2007 at 1:37 pm
once chuck norris killed 5 ppl at once. then he said when chuck norris dosent want girlscout cookies he dosent want girl scout cookies.
April 22nd, 2007 at 1:38 pm
chuck norris is gay AND he has kids
April 23rd, 2007 at 4:53 am
Chuck Norris doesn’t eat lunch. Lunch eats Chuck Norris. Wait, that’s not right..Oh hi Chuck!…What? No..no Chuck it was a mistake, Chuck! Nnooo … AHHHH!
April 23rd, 2007 at 5:45 am
If Chuck Norris moved in next door to you, your lawn would die.
April 23rd, 2007 at 7:19 am
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books, he stairs them down till it gives him the information he needs.
April 23rd, 2007 at 8:44 am
Chuck Norris is gay… the end
April 23rd, 2007 at 10:48 am
Chuck Norris does not use a stove to cook his bacon. He says Sizzle and it better be fucking done.
April 23rd, 2007 at 2:44 pm
Chuck Norris doesn’t have blood flowing through his veins to donate; only hydrolic oil. 25 million tractor trailors can thank Chuck for their existence.
April 24th, 2007 at 5:36 am
Leading disinfectants claim to kill 99.99% of any germs that they come in contact with. Chuck Norris kills 100% of whatever the fuck he wants.
April 24th, 2007 at 5:50 am
and theirs nothing chuck norris can do i will beat the living shit out of him if i see him
April 24th, 2007 at 12:29 pm
This is a moronic wad of shit & I’m removing it from my home page. Too bad - the political part was fun.
April 25th, 2007 at 5:47 am
Chuck Norris taste lies.
April 25th, 2007 at 6:08 am
chuck norris climed mount everest 4 times ………….while pulling a trailor up there.
April 25th, 2007 at 6:24 am
Rick & Honor will soon be the next victims of horrific Roundhouse related deaths. Nobody talks to Chuck Norris like that. Not even Chuck Norris’ own mother.
April 25th, 2007 at 6:25 am
Alex davs has also made the above list…
April 25th, 2007 at 6:55 am
Darth Vader says.. Luke … Chuck Norris is my father.
April 25th, 2007 at 8:09 am
chuck norris’ tears can cure cancer and aids….it’s just too bad chuck NEVER cries!
April 25th, 2007 at 8:45 am
Religious skeptics always ask the question “If there is a God, then who created God?” The answer is clearly Chuck Norris.
April 25th, 2007 at 8:46 am
Chuck Norris does not have huge balls, huge balls have Chuck Norris.
April 25th, 2007 at 8:51 am
Chuck Norris’s taint doubles as an F-18 airstrip.
April 25th, 2007 at 8:56 am
When Chuck Norris flips you off your feelings are hurt forever.
April 25th, 2007 at 8:58 am
Chuck Norris does not have sex, he makes woman-kabobs.
April 25th, 2007 at 9:06 am
When Chuck Norris farts millions of dreams are broken.
April 25th, 2007 at 9:39 am
Chuck Norris’s heart is actually a tiny Chuck Norris.
April 25th, 2007 at 9:43 am
Chuck Norris uses oars as chopsticks.
April 25th, 2007 at 9:51 am
Chuck Norris doesn’t get sun burnt, the sun gets Chuck Norrised.
April 25th, 2007 at 11:25 am
Chuck Norris doesn’t use masturbation, masterbation chuck norrises
April 25th, 2007 at 11:31 am
2+2=Chuck Norris
April 25th, 2007 at 1:02 pm
god used to be real but when chuck noris was born god mysteriously vanished thats why people dont beleive in god anymore
April 25th, 2007 at 1:04 pm
when you type chuck norrises name wrong on google it doesnt say the real correct way of spelling it.
it says run while you still can!!!
April 25th, 2007 at 1:23 pm
Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
April 26th, 2007 at 12:51 am
chuck norris lost his virginity before his father
April 26th, 2007 at 2:26 am
dinosaurs tried eating chuck norris…………….tried……
April 26th, 2007 at 3:21 am
Chuck Norris doesn’t watch TV….the TV watches Chuck Norris
April 26th, 2007 at 5:55 am
chuck norris doesnt lift weights, weigths lift chuck norris
April 26th, 2007 at 8:26 am
Chuck is a wimp
April 26th, 2007 at 9:43 am
chuck norris is the only known person to locate all four corners in a circular room.
April 27th, 2007 at 10:08 am
master cheif from halo, is realy chuck norris is disguise, thats why he never dies and kills everything in site
April 27th, 2007 at 10:38 am
There once was a man from Nantucket…Chuck Norris is that man.
April 27th, 2007 at 3:32 pm
If Chuck Norris were gay, his name would be Jack Bauer.
April 27th, 2007 at 7:32 pm
chuck norris screws chicks over the internet, for real.
April 28th, 2007 at 12:22 am
After a night of heavy drinking Chuck Norris doesn’t throw up, he throws DOWN.
April 28th, 2007 at 6:24 am
Chuck Norris is the reason Forrest Gump kept running.
Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know when Chuck Norris is going to jump out and roundhouse kick you.
April 28th, 2007 at 6:26 am
Chuck Norris is cooler than Drew Blakeney
April 28th, 2007 at 9:21 am
There’s a reason the Nickelodeon show “Roundhouse” was only on for two seasons and none of the actors appeared in anything else afterwards. Chuck Norris wanted to strengthen each leg for a year so he could roundhouse kick the show and anyone associated with it out of existence. Chuck Norris will not tolerate defamation of the word “Roundhouse”.
April 28th, 2007 at 2:22 pm
No one can play the rhyme game with Chuck Norris…chuck chuck bo buck…
April 28th, 2007 at 5:54 pm
“Chuck Norris is my first, my last, my everything” these were Barry White’s last words.
April 29th, 2007 at 4:53 pm
If Chuck Norris’s urine was marketed as a beverage, it would be called Chuck Gold”(R)
April 29th, 2007 at 4:56 pm
Chuck Norris doesn’t dance, he fights. And then dances after winning, yet again.
April 30th, 2007 at 1:41 am
chuck norris can make beef jerkey just by looking at a cow
April 30th, 2007 at 1:43 am
chuck norris’ cells are actually made up of tiny nuclear reactors
May 1st, 2007 at 2:07 am
Chuck Norris once went to the Virgin Islands….Now they are known just as the Islands
May 1st, 2007 at 2:10 am
Chuck Norris doesn’t step on toes, he steps on throats
May 1st, 2007 at 2:34 am
Helen Keller’s favorite color is Chuck Norris;
Chuck Norris got a perfect score on his SAT’s becuase he simply answered
Chuck Norris for everything;
Some people piss their name into snow, Chuck Norris can piss his name into cement;
Chuck Norris doesnt have AIDS, but he gives it to people anyway;
Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life, Ever.
May 1st, 2007 at 3:13 am
The Universe is not expanding. It is running away from Chuck Norris
May 1st, 2007 at 3:18 am
in chuck norris’s free time he knits sweaters….and by knit i mean kick, and by sweaters i mean babies.
May 1st, 2007 at 3:31 am
when chuck norris was born he came out feet first and round house kicked the doctor and said “the only person who delivers chuck norris is chuck norris
May 1st, 2007 at 5:04 am
Out of curiosity, does anyone know that Chuck Norris writes an column for a magazine by the name of New Man Magazine. By the way, NMM is a Christian magazine.
Some New Man webpages to prove this:
http://www.newmanmag.com/display.php?id=15109
http://www.newmanmag.com/display.php?id=11352
http://www.newmanmag.com/display.php?id=14005
May 1st, 2007 at 6:11 am
if chuck noris is gay he……………
May 1st, 2007 at 6:14 am
who wants to fight me?
May 1st, 2007 at 6:15 am
I will fight chuck norris
May 1st, 2007 at 6:17 am
I,ll take both the hulk and kevin in a fight
May 1st, 2007 at 6:19 am
i could whoop all 3 of you
May 1st, 2007 at 10:51 am
We are all Chuck Norris. He is the only one who isn’t. Only Chuck Norris understands this.
May 1st, 2007 at 11:54 pm
It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate,
but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to
him. Pirates never were very smart.
May 2nd, 2007 at 2:25 am
One time Chuck Norris sharted and it turned into a statue of himself posed nude…… It was so powerful… :*-( Then some guy looked at it and said what a peice of shit. The statue came to life and roundhouse kicked his ass. >:)
May 2nd, 2007 at 2:28 am
Chuck Norris is the World of Warcraft GOD. he made his own realm called the Norris. Only he plays on it cuz hes badass. If you play WoW you know what goes on in the Barrens >:( FUCK DAMN SHIT >:)
May 2nd, 2007 at 2:51 am
the diameter of chucks bycept, in yards (84765187) multiplied by the number of cement vlocks he can crush with one roundhouse kick (counting in millions of course)(1372461987) multiplied by the wieght of his beared in tons (985872185182) added to the number of people he has killed by just looking at them (counting by trillions of course) (1087465918765182765874165)
all this is equal to the number of women he has slept with. an astonishing
[stupidly large number truncated to fit on page]
May 2nd, 2007 at 4:26 am
chuck norris can tie his shoes with his feet
May 2nd, 2007 at 4:47 am
Once Chuck Norris roundhouse kick a cow and got two sirloins, a prime rib, four flnk steaks, and a basket of chicken fingers.
May 2nd, 2007 at 1:29 pm
How much wood, Would a woodchuck, chuck. If a woodchuck could Chuck Norris?
May 2nd, 2007 at 3:03 pm
daredevil is afraid of chuck norris
May 3rd, 2007 at 2:06 pm
Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
May 4th, 2007 at 3:27 am
Willie can kick Chuck Norris’s ass and will damn well kick yours too. jon heder will just napolean dynamite dance your pants off and moon boot kick chuck norris’s package.
May 4th, 2007 at 3:29 am
Before Chuck Norris their was Willie Nelson. Before Wille Nelson There was Jon Heder
May 4th, 2007 at 3:32 am
mr rogers will kick chuck norris’s ass and the back street boys will suck the paint off his truck.
May 4th, 2007 at 5:39 am
willie nelson and jon heder are cool,but mr.rogers and the back street bitichs are fuckin gay
May 4th, 2007 at 11:14 am
Chuck Norris is only has sex with men because females cannot handle is thrusting power. Thats why
May 4th, 2007 at 11:50 am
Chuck Norris does not go hunting: that implies the possibility of Failure. Chuck Norris goes Killing
May 4th, 2007 at 12:04 pm
Chuck Norris was never actually born. He roundhouse kicked his way out of his mother’s woom. Then, Chuck Norrises umbilical cord was so tough he saved it and used it as his horse whip.
May 4th, 2007 at 12:05 pm
How the hell do you put that little possesion S on his name anyway? since he owns everything, its pretty important.
May 4th, 2007 at 12:45 pm
Chuck Norris ALWAYS knows Where Waldo is. in fact, Chuck is the reason why he is hiding in the first place.
May 4th, 2007 at 12:46 pm
Why doesn’t hair grow on Chuck Norris’ testicles?………………..
Because hair doesn’t grow on steel.
May 4th, 2007 at 12:52 pm
If Chuck Norris missed you with a Roundhouse kick, his foot would travel so fast it would travel through time to when youre 80 years old and knock you out of your wheel chair. many people know this: that is why he never misses.
May 4th, 2007 at 6:19 pm
God created Chuck Norris. God dose with Chuck, and whoever else, what He wants to. Chuck Norris is just a man with no special powers or abilities. Just a man. The jokes are funny, and the show was awesome, but I just think we’ve taken it a bit too far…no offense.
May 4th, 2007 at 8:28 pm
My excessively large head has been named by doctors as “Chuck Norris Roundhouse Syndrome”
May 4th, 2007 at 10:31 pm
RE: “Dude” comment.
Are you also the sad twat who put the comment on Movie Mistakes that (Highlander) “There is NO invisible magic power lifting Christopher Lambert in air at the end - there are two wires clearly fixed on his shoulders.”
Go away you sad bastard before Chuck Norris sees your sad post and round house kicks you into tomorrow.
May 4th, 2007 at 10:37 pm
Only Chuck Norris can tell me and Dominic Salvia apart.
May 4th, 2007 at 10:42 pm
Chuck Norris knows whose EFACS it is.
May 5th, 2007 at 1:10 am
Chuck Norris was on MySpace before the internet existed.
May 5th, 2007 at 1:13 am
Chuck Norris can drink 40 pints without needing a piss.
May 5th, 2007 at 1:48 am
Chuck Norris eats Chicken Tikka Ceylon for Dessert.
He then washes it down with the blood of a thousand T-Rex’s
May 5th, 2007 at 3:03 am
Chuck Norris once ripped a guys tongue out for calling him “Charles Norris.” This was, of course, followed by a roundhouse kick to the head.
May 5th, 2007 at 3:37 am
Chuck Norris once attached a roundhouse kick to an email.
May 5th, 2007 at 4:44 am
I once tried to spank Chuck Norris when he was 3 months old. I died.
May 5th, 2007 at 5:15 am
Chuck Norris was on Wheel of Fortune once. When he asked to buy a vowel, Pat Sajak gave it to him for free.
May 5th, 2007 at 5:49 am
and if he did it would still be a little bitch
May 5th, 2007 at 9:12 am
When Chuck Norris looks up at the sky, the Ozone layer gets scared and crumbles, causing Global Warming.. (Chuck Norris often looks up at the sky to see if it is time to kill or eat hippies)
May 5th, 2007 at 9:32 am
Chuck Norris has been banned from smoking cigarettes, because every time he does, a cigarette dies of cancer. To retaliate against the cigarette companies for the ban, Chuck killed 3 million people of various ethnic backgrounds.
May 6th, 2007 at 10:44 am
A guy hit Chuck Norris once. Once.
May 7th, 2007 at 8:59 am
All your base are belong to Chuck Norris
May 8th, 2007 at 7:06 am
When Chuck Norris goes to Molten Core, Ragnaros puts his Fire Resistance gear on.
May 8th, 2007 at 9:23 am
What is the meaning of life? Chuck Norris.
May 8th, 2007 at 1:14 pm
While it is believed that Bruce Lee trained Chuck Norris, the one who taught Chuck his super-secret CIA moves was, in fact, Mr. Rogers.
May 8th, 2007 at 2:02 pm
Why did Chuck Norris call Boys2men?
He thought it was a delivery service!!!
May 8th, 2007 at 2:03 pm
What do you say to Chuck Norris at the beach??
Stay out of my son!
May 8th, 2007 at 2:05 pm
Chuck Norris says “If you dont look down, you aren’t a pedofile!”
May 8th, 2007 at 2:07 pm
Chuck Norris says Whatever! I run with 12 gangs that only commit hate crimes!
May 8th, 2007 at 2:07 pm
remember it’s only a hate crime if you dont laugh…
May 8th, 2007 at 5:30 pm
Chuck Norris once ate four turtles for breakfeast…later that day he pooped out what we now know as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
May 9th, 2007 at 8:12 am
Chuck Norris mind is so sharp that he once wressled with a riddle and accidentally killed the answer.
May 10th, 2007 at 12:20 am
George Bush is the only person to be roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris and survive. That explains a lot.
May 10th, 2007 at 12:46 am
Chuck Norris isn’t Lovin’ it. In fact Chuck Norris fucking hates it.
Chuck Norris’ Favorite element is the element of surprise.